Comedian João Netto, known as Zé Modesto, who moved to the United States at 57, has a piece of advice for anyone who speaks little English — and it comes from two funny, and expensive, stories. "If you speak little English: never say 'yes.' Say 'no.' A 'no' won't cost you anything."

The "Coke of ice"

On a visit to the United States in 2011, a friend — actor and filmmaker Edmilson Filho, of the "Cine Holliúdy" films — took João and his daughters to a zoo. They had sandwiches and soda; all they were missing was a cup of ice. "Go over to that little truck and say: 'I want a cup of ice.'" João kept repeating it on the way, got nervous, and by the time he reached the counter the sentence had become "I want a Coke of ice." The attendant brought him a Coca-Cola. Seeing the confusion, she asked: "Do you want a combo?" He said "yes." He came back with another Coke, another sandwich — and no cup of ice.

The insured radio

On another trip, in Orlando, he bought an $8 radio to use at the theme parks. The salesclerk asked: "Do you want insurance?" "Yes." He paid almost $12 in insurance for an $8 device he used for one morning. "To this day the little radio is back in Brazil — insured." Jason Lanzarini says he knows Brazilians who, without understanding, "just keep smiling and saying yes to everything." And Pastor Miguel Albanês sums it up: "A 'yes' commits you. You're saying yes to something you don't even know what it is."

Where an automatic "yes" gets expensive

João's stories are small, but the pattern repeats in big purchases. A few questions worth listening to carefully:

• "Would you like to add insurance / protection?" — at electronics and phone stores, this is the extended warranty or device insurance.
• At the car-rental counter, damage and theft waivers (CDW/LDW) and supplemental liability insurance can double the daily rate. Before accepting, check whether your own auto policy or your credit card already covers you.
• "Do you want to make it a combo / a large?" — at fast-food places, the combo and the bigger size.
• "Would you like to sign up for our card?" — store credit cards, with high interest rates.
• "Do you want to leave a tip?" — the tip screen: at sit-down restaurants with table service, tipping is part of the custom; at many counters, it's optional.
• In gym, phone, internet and financing contracts, "Just sign here" should never come before you understand what you're signing.

Phrases that help

• "No, thank you." — polite and final.
• "Sorry, I don't understand. Can you repeat, please?" — buys you time before you agree to anything.
• "Can you speak slowly, please?" — nobody minds being asked.
• "How much is the total?" — the number that shows any add-ons.
• "Just this, please." — nothing extra.

João points to another hurdle: contractions. Nobody says "do you know what I mean?" slowly and separately; they say "you know what I mean?", all run together. Listening a lot, until the sounds start to make sense, is part of learning.

If you already said "yes": some rights in California

Not everything can be undone, but California law provides a cooling-off period in some cases:

• Used cars: on used-car purchases up to a certain price, the dealer must offer you the option to pay for a two-day right to cancel the contract. It isn't automatic — it's an option you buy at the time of sale.
• Home sales: contracts signed at your home with a salesperson, above a minimum amount, can generally be canceled within three business days.
• Gyms: gym contracts can be canceled within a few business days after signing.
• A credit-card charge for something you didn't authorize can be disputed with your bank.

When in doubt, the California Department of Consumer Affairs and, in Los Angeles County, the Department of Consumer and Business Affairs offer free guidance.

Sources and verification

• California Civil Code, Section 2982.10 — contract cancellation option on used-car purchases.
• California Civil Code, Sections 1689.5 et seq. — cancellation of home solicitation sales.
• California Civil Code, Sections 1812.80 et seq. — health studio (gym) contracts.
• California Department of Consumer Affairs; Los Angeles County Department of Consumer and Business Affairs.
• The stories are João Netto's own accounts on the episode.

Who's speaking: the Cadê Brazil podcast is hosted by Jason Lanzarini, who since 2014 has organized the Facebook groups of the Brazilian Community in California. In this episode, which launches the "Quem tá em LA?" ("Who's in LA?") segment, he welcomes comedian João Netto, known as Zé Modesto, alongside Cezar Brelaz, owner of Pampas Grill, and Pastor Miguel Albanês, of the First Brazilian Baptist Church of Los Angeles.

General information for the Brazilian Community in California — not legal or financial advice.

Watch this part of the episode:

Trouble at the Zoo: "I want a cup of ice" turned into a combo! — starting at 18:10 · CADÊ BRAZIL